My friend Arthur who slept over the night before had an alarm that was like a beautiful song. Some time late at night I remember a woman’s screams coming from a neighboring apartment on multiple occasions. The dream starts strange. In some sort of underground home/bus…RMZ i-style was there and then other bboys were there in some dark house hideaway…there was a jam of some sort? They were coming to the US to represent, one of the first crews… somehow Claire was there and we started arguing about our problems (which were based on a true story) and Im not sure how she ended up fading away and this became centralized around Emily but it did. I don’t remember what happened in between there and when I saw Emily and things were just all bad but I remember her going back to her home, going into her home and starting the momentum of closing the door behind her. There was a blue light coming from the inside of her home, she was playing electronic music pulsating with bass, the door slowly started to close and just as it was about to shut, an older fatter white man (similar looking to professor curr) grabbed the door and entered the house. Somehow I could hear and see him say, “my name is notorious rapist (or something along those lines) and he proceeded to advance on her. I bolted into the house and began to fight the guy off of her. While he was momentarily down I tried calling 911 and managed to get a hold of someone but they told me apologetically that they could not come to help and that I was on my own. pCurr fled the scene and at some point before or after that event I had flipped up his old school station wagon beetle rusty light blue type looking car upside down. I can’t remember how but then friends started coming to help me because I knew that pCurr would be back. There was one event where he’d kidnapped Bryan Shieh and had his backpack standing in front of emily’s house. I remember seeing from emily’s porch sam oh behind a fence to my right looking trapped or caught by pCurr. I ran past pCurr and evaded his attacks to find sam, who was in fact not captured, and rode away on his bike accompanied by another female friend saying as he rode down into the horizon, “you’re on your own”. Fast forward again and now my friend and I are fighting pCurr and his minions but they have guns and we’re unarmed. I remember winning the fight and defeating them but I got shot. I wasn’t just shot once but multiple times by these smaller razor-type bullets that stung deep and made a crescent shape around my right breast. I remember lifting my shirt up and looking at where I’d been shot. There was no blood but that section of my flesh looked analogous to contorted intestines. After defeating pCurr and his minions everyone was ecstatic in celebration, only the pain in my chest stung deeper. We went to some kind of restaurant, the walls were all white, and its entrance was somehow connected to a hospital. I remember them all wanting to take a picture together and I told them that I did not think that right now was the right time as my chest was really starting to hurt. I walked towards the hospital.// I woke up clutching my chest. and jesse's bike was stolen from our apartment.

a long day.

I bounced from hoang's at 9 am after watching dark night rises last night. today at the tay counselor training I met daniel nunez, another thai/puerto rican. cray cray. brian greens workshop at city dance was cancelled but Im a proponent of the idea that it's always a trip to see where life takes you if you commit to going for whatever you aspire to do. In my case today that was attend the workshop after the training in fremont (which also allowed me to connect with more thai-american folk and apply my skill sets and knowledge from past youth work) and as a result I got to watch some funkanometry dancers do their thing, get two talk to one of my soul cannibals crewmates (jeff michael) and get to know the dude and his homie bo a bit better. people will flake and it's alright because these things happen and it's completely understandable, however heads up are sometimes nice, even though I suppose I still might not deserve it. word up. nap time.

1st off for the record I'd like to mention that I'm not schizophrenic. I was driving back to berkeley from school. just had another meet up with professor ancheta to talk about my timeline and such. to make a long story short it was a very real and spirit lowering/motivating conversation, one that reminded me of how far I've come, and how much further I have to go. I've been feeling many profound feelings lately that kind of mix together and leave me feeling strange, however there is an odd kind of beauty in that I suppose. for example I was thinking about how bryan had his first romantic experience in taiwan and how he described the experience, coupled with thinking about my own life and lack of such things(for good reason) plus my future timeline and how hard life is right now. While I was driving back I was listening to 91.1 (bay area jazz station) and there was a track that was purely piano riffs. In front of my was some sort of pick up truck that for whatever reason had its rear handle that you pull to lower the door to access the loading space was a bit loose and as a result of the wind it was flapping back and forth as the car was going. As the sounds of the piano played, my eyes couldn't help but focus on the wavering handle as its motions began to play the sounds of the piano. I found it beautiful. I see music in everything. Eventually the handle started speaking to me through the sounds of the piano saying things like, "you got this just keep doing what you're doing. Stay focused, you'll be pleased with your future." What is my future? I never got to ask, and I suppose that that's not a valid question to ask an oracle piano riff interpreting truck trunk handle. as two cars cut in front of my and the trunk sped up the trunk handle told me he/she had to leave but to remember its words. Talk about interesting. I'm trying my best to find that peace in the darkness. ---o gawd...past. "my good friend danny was feeling kind of down about human relationships with others regarding how there's always potential to always be doing something wrong, after this occurred I was talking to him and other folks about how i was watching this documentary about jupiter on the way here on the plane and I realized that much like the way in which the moon orbits jupiter or any planet for that matter, along with the events of that interplanetary interaction there also lies an even more intriguing interaction bigger than ourselves: the universe that we coexist within. if this is stateable then it can also be stated that within this orbiting interaction sometimes comets, asteroids, a tarnished old satellite, and an entire slew of other things can occur in the universe that may impact these moons and planets, they might be struck by the comet or asteroid etc, but one thing that will forever remain is the idea of orbit, and it is this that parallels our own human relationships, because if can remember the beauty of the essence of the human relationship, the human spirit's ability to prevail, and core love, then that is what should be the most important. these principles are the mean by which this planetary/interuniversal exchange can take place, and without this "love"...this orbit/universal interaction cannot be made possible. it is with this great feeling that I tell you both, moreover I implore you both to remember to relish in that relationships that you both have with others, whether you havent seen those people in days, months or years, or even if you just met this person on the street and think that they have a warm heart and endearing soul. cherish that. even cherish the 1st impressions. use those first impressions as a clay by which to sculpt your true perception of a person's character because even if this 1st impression that is created by them is of false doing and materials, it only furthers the truth of your final product. remember."