Today at work I was minding my own business, having freshly pulled some charts from the records department downstairs. I had just collected some 20 charts and plopped them on the research department cubicle until Tiffany notified me of where there was vacant space. I also had to make poopy, so I went ahead and did dat. when I got back to the area on the central filing cabinet in the middle of our area was a large assortment of foods sprouled out everywhere. To give some context, the research cubicle area is surrounded by vietnamese folks and everyday when I'm not listening to mixes on my headphones I get to listen to the music of their voices gossiping about some issue in their lives or describing to one another the interesting aspects of the process of living their respective lives. as you already know, there are a few things in this world that make my brain release some type of relaxant chemicals that put me at ease: when someone's reading something and they lick their finger then turn the page, acrylic nails tapping in a sequence on a nice hard surface, and most recently the sound of middle aged vietnamese women chit chattering about their lives in a well lit office building. going back to the original story, the food was everywhere and one of the AHS workers Tina Diep was offering me some of the food. she told me that it was for vietnamese new year and described to me how the night before new years is like thanksgiving and that's when all the family gets together and stuffs their faces with home cooked foods infused with love. my boss was there and she asked me about my ethnic background. Her and Tina asked me about when Thais celebrate their new year. Tina told me that she's part Teo-Chew and identifies more with her Chinese side, and that she has family in Thailand that do business (a common Teo-Chew thing, apparently they can hussle...hope I inherited those genez ahahaha..hah). It was at this point where in hindsight I told mahself, "francis good ish for asking questions, it really opens doors to lands of wisdom and perspective that you may never have known". I asked my boss Thu if she cooks Vietnamese food at home. she told me that her mother passed away already but she does remember some of the dishes that she used to make and actually made pho a few nights ago. She told me about how as she got older she was more sensitive to MSG, somehow ended up venting about her life schedule, how her and her husband coordinate cooking, putting the kids to sleep, finishing up work late at night, and getting up to go to work and do it all over again. most of all when concluding this vent she emphasized, "ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE NOW!!!" to me. Stuff like that just reemphasizes the fact that I really do need to just go for things like traveling etc while I still have my youth and before I settle down. at the same time though, I truly look forward to being a father and can't wait to have a family with someone that I love some day. going back to the initial story (for the 2nd time lololol) I am thankful for even the smallest things and these women who I feel are like my 2nd aunties. thank you for the love and I hope to infuse that love into my being to share with others around me.

una historia.

aproximamente un mes pasado,
era el tiempo de examenes finales en mi universidad.
era una de esas semanas en que alguien come, duerme, y sueños de sus clases. Durante tiempos como eso, aveces una persona tiene que cambiar su limpiedad del cuerpo para tiempo a estudiar. No puedo acordar el dia specificamente pero habia un dia cuando tenia que ir a mi trabajo, pero no tenia el tiempo a ducharme antes de ir a trabajar. Senti sucio y apestoso y no podria enfocar durante trabajo. Por eso es que me ocurrió una idea. Plane a ir al baño, esperar hasta que todos los muchachos acabaron usandolo, y a lavarme el pelo muyyyyyyyyy rapido para que nadie podía cogerme. Entonces, espere en dentro del cuarto de la cadena, hiciendo como estaba orinando. Teni cuidado, estaba escuchando los sonidos en el orden que personas tipacamente escuchen muchachos usando el baño: tirando de la cadena, lavando los manos, secando los manos, y finalmente, saliendo del baño. Espere con paciencia hasta que la ultima persona salio del cuarto, y corri al lavabo de baño y empece lavanado mi pelo con shampoo, agua, y todo eso rapido. Estaba secandome el pelo...cuando escuche la puerta abriendo. Tenia miedo pero continue secandome el pelo... esperando con pacienca por eso sonidods... espere..secando... y escuche: tirando de la cadena, lavando los manos, secando los manos, y finalmente....despues de triente mas segundos, la puerta del baño abriendo y cerrando.
En este tiempo, tenia mucho miedo porque no sabia si alguien iba a gritarme o mas peor, MATARME por eso es que corri a ponerme las cosas en mi mochila de computadora y regresar a mi escritorio a continuar poniendo data en el base de datos. Antes de que pudiera salir, dos hombres apareceron el baño, uno que aprecio pato (no tengo nada contra los patos), y el otro mas viejo. El pato me pidio, "Quien estas?" Le di que trabaje aqui. "Donde trabajas?" Le di para el departamento de ivestigaciones con Thu y Tiffany. Ellos me miraron como era raro y se disculparon a mi. Pero dijeron que pensaron que era alguien sin hogar. Despues aprendi que el pato se llama Clarence y tiene un posicion muy alto para AHS con ayudando de recaudación de fondos. El dijo a Thu que paso y me puse muy embarassado pero ella es una mujer carinosa y me dijo que no debo que lavarme el pelo en el lavabo de baño. 555+ . . .

ahora mismo no puedo describir como me siento.
este parte de mi vida es una de los cambios y ajuste.
espero que puedo quedar en stockton por lo menos tres dias de la semana, problamente el domingo, lunes, y martes si es posible a schedular trabajo los miercoles y jueves, y clases los viernes y sabados. este parte de mi vida tambien es una de transición, no solo porque tengo que schedular mi trabajo, escuela, internado etc, pero porque tengo que aprender a estar en paz y a dejar alguien a ir. aunque ella no me quiere, me voy a continuar teniendo fe y estar dedicado a ella hasta que me cambia a otro forma de existencia..

"at the end of day, when i floss my teeth, and get ready to fall asleep, you're the one in my mind."

once upon a time.

nawrrr: i will not allow for this "bad timing" shit to happen.

cuando me dijiste que nada me recuerdan a ti porque casi nadie te conocen, me rie.
algunas personas no tienen que hablar de ti a para que recordarte.
una persona no tiene que conocer el mundo porque te vives en dentro de mi...

And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me