Friday, July 1, 2011
I know.
I never thought that I’d find myself in a self help article on a website looking up ways to get your lost loved one back,
Find myself on a self help website with an article titled “the 10 biggest mistakes people make when trying to get back an ex”
Suddenly I strangely felt that I shared a connection with the people scrolling down this page searching for something, looking for the right answers. We'd all made a fatal mistake. As much as I’d like to say that I’m different, I’ve now become one of them. One of the people who made the wrong decision, whether they knew it or not, that decision has been made. My mind is racing. I ask her how her paper is going right after I visit her at 4 am in the morning at her summer sublet spot. She says briefly, “ok” and immediately puts on her headphones seemingly in an effort to phase me out. She types on her keyboard distracted on facebook while working on her paper talking on facebook chat and I feel like I have no say in what she does. I sit here while she’s distracted with facebook chat probably talking to the new dude in her life and I’m powerless. I am pushing against the inflicted five months of pain and angst turned to hostility and ultimately falling out of love with me that I have created. I have built my own prison from the inside and dissolved the key with my own consciousness. I have willingly melted away at the faint idea of hope, thinking that this would save her pain until I was sure that I would be able to be a good boyfriend. And look what’s happened, look what’s become of us. She’s moving on and I’m left here to feel the byproduct of my own words and actions towards her in the past. I know that I must keep the mentality of a bboy, I see nothing. When it seems like all is lost I have to believe. I have to know that love is there. I have to believe that I will be the one to show her what love is. I have to be patient. I have to give things time. I have accepted the challenges ahead of me but I am more than willing to undergo whatever tests the future may hold. I am not clutching onto ideas or a past of what someone once was but rather knowing who she is inside and what she truly deserves. I know I can provide her that, it’s just a matter of time and showing her my willingness and consistency. Just like having a consistent style instead of a sporadic one that sometimes doesn’t look pretty, I have to pound for pound be the George Saint Pierre of this commitment to our future. I don’t give a shit how corny that sounds to anyone, that just popped in my head and I’m running with it. I accept the fact that I am weak but I’m ready to fight back to the top for what I believe in. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is possible. I just have to have faith. Faith.
Find myself on a self help website with an article titled “the 10 biggest mistakes people make when trying to get back an ex”
Suddenly I strangely felt that I shared a connection with the people scrolling down this page searching for something, looking for the right answers. We'd all made a fatal mistake. As much as I’d like to say that I’m different, I’ve now become one of them. One of the people who made the wrong decision, whether they knew it or not, that decision has been made. My mind is racing. I ask her how her paper is going right after I visit her at 4 am in the morning at her summer sublet spot. She says briefly, “ok” and immediately puts on her headphones seemingly in an effort to phase me out. She types on her keyboard distracted on facebook while working on her paper talking on facebook chat and I feel like I have no say in what she does. I sit here while she’s distracted with facebook chat probably talking to the new dude in her life and I’m powerless. I am pushing against the inflicted five months of pain and angst turned to hostility and ultimately falling out of love with me that I have created. I have built my own prison from the inside and dissolved the key with my own consciousness. I have willingly melted away at the faint idea of hope, thinking that this would save her pain until I was sure that I would be able to be a good boyfriend. And look what’s happened, look what’s become of us. She’s moving on and I’m left here to feel the byproduct of my own words and actions towards her in the past. I know that I must keep the mentality of a bboy, I see nothing. When it seems like all is lost I have to believe. I have to know that love is there. I have to believe that I will be the one to show her what love is. I have to be patient. I have to give things time. I have accepted the challenges ahead of me but I am more than willing to undergo whatever tests the future may hold. I am not clutching onto ideas or a past of what someone once was but rather knowing who she is inside and what she truly deserves. I know I can provide her that, it’s just a matter of time and showing her my willingness and consistency. Just like having a consistent style instead of a sporadic one that sometimes doesn’t look pretty, I have to pound for pound be the George Saint Pierre of this commitment to our future. I don’t give a shit how corny that sounds to anyone, that just popped in my head and I’m running with it. I accept the fact that I am weak but I’m ready to fight back to the top for what I believe in. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is possible. I just have to have faith. Faith.
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