Bad day/day of the UC Wide Walkout

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1st off, because of this being my 1st day of work and me being stupid last week and not realizing that this was the day of the walkout, so yeah I tell Dr. Jung Suh "sure! Thursday sounds great!"
I really need to hop back on the writing tip, but at the moment I'm so behind with school, especially my biostatistics class, that I need to hop on this first and take care of that.

Thanks for understanding.
With that being said:


UnseenAntidote: hey

me: whats up man

UnseenAntidote: nm just at the apartment chillin

u?

me: just got back from CHORI

UnseenAntidote: chori?

me: had a really bad day there man.

yeah

childrens hospital oakland research institute

UnseenAntidote: ohhh, what happened?

me: maaan. I just basically made a fool of myself on multiple occasions

like friggin

we were in the lab

like picture your bio 1a lab

but with way more shit everywhere

and like

he asked me to make him a 10% micromolar solution of something

and I didnt know WTF to do

he asked me jokingly "you got it right hahaha"

and I really had no fucking idea

and then like

I kept giving him the wrong answers

he said "youre scaring me"

verbatum

like not jokingly

so then he fucking went over with me what the fucking definition of a Mole was

and how to convert all this shit

I felt like an idiot

I still dont get it completely

I did so bad in gen chem

like when that happened

I was like "ah shit Im fired."

UnseenAntidote: dang dude

me: and then like

he had me cleaning the lab because I just had gotten done sucking ass at pipetting and shit

and fucking like

he asked me for the pipette with the green tip

and my dumbass brings him the green box with pipette tips in it

hahahaha

like

I didnt know where to throw shit away

like I didnt know what to mix

I forgot wtf mass spec does

fuck man

it was just a disaster

I felt so fucking stupid

UnseenAntidote: it determiens the mass of a molecule

dude no worries

me: like man

this lab

is like some epic shit

like shit thats never been done before

and I friggin cant even convert units

UnseenAntidote: the dude's probably been working there for so long that he feels like it should be common knowledge for everyone

me: it was so bad man

UnseenAntidote:

me: yeah that guy is a genius

UnseenAntidote: dude just make a list of the things you forgot today

me: on the brighter side, he went to the same international school I did in bangkok

UnseenAntidote: and look it up and make sure you got it later

me: crazy.

UnseenAntidote: oh crazy

me: yeah man

but frickin, I dont know man

its just stressful

he expects me in tuesday

and I have all this shit due and blablabla

and then thats just work and school

fucking all this shits going on outside of that

gahhhhhh

but yeah

I'll figure it out.

UnseenAntidote: ya dude, I think you just gotta clear your mind for a bit

me: yeah man

Im telling you though man, it was so intense.

UnseenAntidote:

me: dude was like interrogating/grilling me

with the conversions

it was so embarrassing

like he was laughing at me

because it was so ridiculous

UnseenAntidote:

me: ahahhahaha

UnseenAntidote: dang, oh well dude

me: it's alright man, it's motivation to be on my game next week

UnseenAntidote: it's their job, they're just cocky about it

me: hahaha

naw I mean dont get me wrong

UnseenAntidote: I went into crossroads today and I was supposed to get training, the lady that was supposed to train me was just all mean....like nuh uh, I can't do it today, this and that...

yaaa I know

me: I think if it was anyone of those other scientists

my ass wouldve been fired

UnseenAntidote: haha

me: whattt

so you have to come back?

UnseenAntidote: yaaa, and I went into the police station for the background check and the guy didn't give me the right papers to go

so delayed a bit more

but ya

no worries

me: no worries man

youll get there

that job aint no joke eiter

either

handling food is serious business

UnseenAntidote: thai credo: "ไม่เป็นไร"

me: and Im sure theres more to it

UnseenAntidote: haha cashier

me: oh my bad

UnseenAntidote: no worries

me: maipenrai?

UnseenAntidote: ya

it's nothing, like no worries

me: yeah man, when I was fucking up, I totally had the defense mechanism smile thing going on

Sending...

UnseenAntidote

Add people to this chat

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UnseenAntidote: hey

me: whats up man

UnseenAntidote: nm just at the apartment chillin

u?

me: just got back from CHORI

UnseenAntidote: chori?

me: had a really bad day there man.

yeah

childrens hospital oakland research institute

UnseenAntidote: ohhh, what happened?

me: maaan. I just basically made a fool of myself on multiple occasions

like friggin

we were in the lab

like picture your bio 1a lab

but with way more shit everywhere

and like

he asked me to make him a 10% micromolar solution of something

and I didnt know WTF to do

he asked me jokingly "you got it right hahaha"

and I really had no fucking idea

and then like

I kept giving him the wrong answers

he said "youre scaring me"

verbatum

like not jokingly

so then he fucking went over with me what the fucking definition of a Mole was

and how to convert all this shit

I felt like an idiot

I still dont get it completely

I did so bad in gen chem

like when that happened

I was like "ah shit Im fired."

UnseenAntidote: dang dude

me: and then like

he had me cleaning the lab because I just had gotten done sucking ass at pipetting and shit

and fucking like

he asked me for the pipette with the green tip

and my dumbass brings him the green box with pipette tips in it

hahahaha

like

I didnt know where to throw shit away

like I didnt know what to mix

I forgot wtf mass spec does

fuck man

it was just a disaster

I felt so fucking stupid

UnseenAntidote: it determiens the mass of a molecule

dude no worries

me: like man

this lab

is like some epic shit

like shit thats never been done before

and I friggin cant even convert units

UnseenAntidote: the dude's probably been working there for so long that he feels like it should be common knowledge for everyone

me: it was so bad man

UnseenAntidote:

me: yeah that guy is a genius

UnseenAntidote: dude just make a list of the things you forgot today

me: on the brighter side, he went to the same international school I did in bangkok

UnseenAntidote: and look it up and make sure you got it later

me: crazy.

UnseenAntidote: oh crazy

me: yeah man

but frickin, I dont know man

its just stressful

he expects me in tuesday

and I have all this shit due and blablabla

and then thats just work and school

fucking all this shits going on outside of that

gahhhhhh

but yeah

I'll figure it out.

UnseenAntidote: ya dude, I think you just gotta clear your mind for a bit

me: yeah man

Im telling you though man, it was so intense.

UnseenAntidote:

me: dude was like interrogating/grilling me

with the conversions

it was so embarrassing

like he was laughing at me

because it was so ridiculous

UnseenAntidote:

me: ahahhahaha

UnseenAntidote: dang, oh well dude

me: it's alright man, it's motivation to be on my game next week

UnseenAntidote: it's their job, they're just cocky about it

me: hahaha

naw I mean dont get me wrong

UnseenAntidote: I went into crossroads today and I was supposed to get training, the lady that was supposed to train me was just all mean....like nuh uh, I can't do it today, this and that...

yaaa I know

me: I think if it was anyone of those other scientists

my ass wouldve been fired

UnseenAntidote: haha

me: whattt

so you have to come back?

Video & more

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• 
  

conversation with danny yu

me: danny

do you know who this is

Sent at 8:54 PM on Wednesday

dossdude44: francis

whats up

me: whats up man!!!

how are you

dossdude44: pretty good

how bout urself

me: busy up the wazoo

what you been up to

dossdude44: nothing much. studying for mcats

have u taken it yet?

me: !!!

no dude

Im like..

trying to get my gpa up still

it's gonna be a while for me homie

I have to do post bacc

my gpas increasing but like

very slowly

dossdude44: ah really u planning on doing post bac?

me: yeah man

it's fine though

I dont mind it at all

I feel like

whats the rush you know

and I dont want to burn myself out

I just wanna take things one step at a time

dossdude44: true

hmmmm

me: and make sure to do well in all those things

dossdude44: maybe i should consider that too

me: you know what I mean

because like

freshman and soph year

I'd try to pack all this shit

into one semester

work

do activities

and as a result get bad grades

or fail

and like

it's not just that

it's like

yesterday

I saw one of my old floormates who graduated this past year

and she was telling me how her grades were decent

because she was like a devout studier

but the sacrifice that she made was taking time to have fun

dossdude44: ah

ic

she studied so hard she didn't have much time for herself?

me: and so she was telling me how much she regretted that

not much at all

and it's not just that man

I dont know

I just feel like

whats the rush

plus like if we take a little time off

then we can get real world experience

they always tell us

apply when you feel that you are the best qualified applicant"

honestly right now I dont feel that way

and I need more time and real world experience

even this dude I know who goes to UCSF

was like saying how he regretted going straight in

I know that my family needs the money and that there's hella things that they're dealing with, but I know that this is what I must do

and that I will do it

and I have no other options

and so...

yeah...

that's kind of where i'm at my friend.

dossdude44: dam

lol

looks like you've put alot of thought into this

me: yeah man... more than you can imagine...

this is what I want for myself and others...

Got Work Right Now.

10:34 AM, a ishload of post its on the desk bookcase, Corneh, Wendy, Thear, Hong, Brian Chaney, Nhi, Fiq etc. played beer pong olympics last night. Fun times.

At 11 got work.

So much has gone down in the past few weeks, I have more to write about when the next opportunity. 1st I should probably catch up in Biochemistry stuff though.
Im tired of writing blogs and writing about how I need to write. My glass is full as fcuk and I'm trying to pour it out somewhere.

how could he be so summerless + changed man.

I realized yesterday that I have no summer.
Today I realized that I am not the same person anymore.
Even though change is always happening, I am much different than how I came into this institution.
I'm speaking on behalf of the negatives. Poh asks, "What is your spiritual life?" Where are my priorities? Can I cram in this minor somewhere? Have these fuck ups from freshman, sophomore, and fall semester of junior year sealed my fate and ended the possibility of me being able to do everything that I wanted to during my time at Cal? More later on this after we clean the shit out of our really grimey apartment at midnight after coming back from Tika's surprise birthday party at Jpham's. We'll see....

should be.

I should be studying for ESPM 113's midterm tomorrow but instead I'm still listening to the same song I was yesterday except in live concert form.
ayaaah and consumed with the t h A. :]

Another.

listening to: The Roots-You Got Me Ft. Erykah Badu


Let us lament in the shawl of early morning, bask in the bouquet of our quinescence.

but I'm not dormant, I'm not in a state of diapause. These changes saran wrap me but I don't migrate to different islands, I stay fixed to the concrete beneath. I am the black sheep of the species, the flock, the scoundrels, the hungry, the fed, the satiated, the dead.

I am.

I don't know what I want to say or if it matters, but I suppose these digital deposits of text stretched across cyberspace, a black background of 600 twip, must compensate for lack of pen stroke to journal tip.

And so I.

Write this to commemorate the felt too often feeling of longing to mark my thoughts into the physical before the food coma, exhaustion from the lectures, catching up in classes, and conversations wash away make up's memories worn on my face from the day passed.

I will begin to try to derive these memories and crochet them together with these two knitters, my fingers, my fists, the bitter aftertaste in my mouth after 3 AM jack in the box that lingers, begs me to stop this quick fix satisfaction of quickly prepared food to pallet for lack of wallet I have the mallet to swing swing in delirium, sway around apartment like redrum.

I the plump, she a plum. no fruit more ripe than before menopausal plunge.

these lungs
they heave
these breaths
they leave

eyelids they
anchors
4 AM pulls down
the shutters
and dim lights
of this hallway
fade to black

Restricted Number.

To start off this blog, I wanted to mention something really random that happened today, you know, like those dreams you wake up from and want to tell someone about before you forget all the details. So I was working at 510 today at 4:54 PM to be exact, when I get a call from a restricted number. I answer to hear what sounds to be a teenage girl saying, "I love you francis, this is for you" following that are 3 backstreet boys songs sung really out of tune to the backdrop of the actual songs themselves, mixed with choppy losing signal type things in between everything. At the end the girl says, "I love you baby call me" and I'm like, "this is a restricted number though" and she says, "well figure out who this is, I love you" and hangs up. One of the BSB songs that she sang all the people who put Shadownite on for the mentees sang to them during entertainment the last night so I'm seriously wondering, "was it one of the mentees?" if so, it's all bad.
circle of tangents.